Abnormal

If You exist, then why do You exist?

If You don’t exist, then why don't You?

People say You are everything,

But I know that You are not really You.

I am a [Fakir: a wandering Sufi ascetic], and I am a rogue too,

I am a saint, and a decadent seeker of pleasure too.

Within my heart lies a colony of beauties,

I am the very architect of my own ruin.

I am the lewd, the pure, the liar, and the truthful,

I am [Manto: Saadat Hasan Manto, a rebel Urdu writer], [John: John Elia, a nihilist poet], and I am [Paash: a revolutionary Punjabi poet] too.

Thinking before writing—this state of being feels wretched to me,

These days, every single question feels wretched to me.

Just for this reason, I cannot keep what belongs to another,

Because possessing another's property feels wretched to me.

Something must be good, so look for something good;

How can I build a window when I loathe the underworld?

Neither at Mecca nor at Kashi,

Then my heart halted at a life of debauchery.

Time and the sun eventually set,

The fruits of patience eventually rot.

It is better to eat them while they are still raw,

For empty stomachs eventually burn up.

Thinking too much isn't good,

Thinking too much isn't good;

That’s how tasks get delayed and deferred.

One who is determined to do it, gets it done,

Many moments pass even without a mother’s presence.

Young lad, do not wait,

For the dry weeds to wither away.

Even if the firewood is damp,

With enough effort, they do eventually ignite.

I don't understand who it is I am searching for,

I don't understand who it is I am searching for.

Whose corpse is this lying inside my heart?

Oh, she did wonders, she recognized me exactly as I am,

By hearing just one song, she recognized my soul.

The eccentric, the mad, the crazed, and the simple-minded get scared sometimes,

Before they are fulfilled, dreams die sometimes.

I know you have been labeled with the title of being "loose,"

You have also received an abundance of temporary love.

I have been waiting for you for centuries,

Even in my dreams, I have only found the dream of you.

Make me like yourself, or become like me,

I want to see you while you are asleep; place your head in my lap and sleep.

Just don't think anymore, give me your permission,

Take love from me, and give me the right to worship you.

Let go of the obsession with your old habits,

Don't let me go, just cling to me and weep.

Become mad along with me,

Come, let’s go far from the gaze of the people,

Let us go far away from this place.

Don't be angry, this [song/feeling] is just like you,

Accept it; I found this rose on my path.

I know you have been labeled with the title of being "loose,"

You have also received an abundance of temporary love.

If I tell you one thing, will you believe me?

I feel that you will make my life beautiful.

Love my flaws, love my failures,

I am yearning for you, love my anonymity.

I remember your innocence, not your status,

I thought about it a hundred times first, then not even once.

You were buried in my heart, and I became a graveyard myself,

I sit here wondering what was the profit and what was the loss.

You read me, you understood me—it was your favor upon me,

When I realized I had lost you, I was astonished at myself.

I am saddened by our parting, but believe me, I am happy too,

I was thrilled to leave you, yet after leaving, I became distressed.

You were buried in my heart, and I became a graveyard myself.

Otherwise, I read the hearts of others, but could never read myself,

I became such a complex tangle that no one could understand me again.

It’s no one’s fault, yet I am not a sinner either,

This whole world is mine, but I am not a worldly man.

To tell the truth, sometimes I find my own songs wretched,

They cheat the hearts of the people, and then people come to embrace me.

Those people come on their own accord, wanting to do me a favor,

They want to place a chain around my neck for their own sake.

This artistry is quite easy, but living in the world is difficult,

Neither will I ever understand it, nor did I ever understand it before.

It is for this very reason that I have a quarrel with my own songs.

I have only one question,

One question is enough.

Don't ask about me,

Is your own condition alright?